I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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