I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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