I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
