I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
