when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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