Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
