My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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