There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
