i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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