I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
