Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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