Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
