I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
