She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
