doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
