i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
