the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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