Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
