I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
