Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
