The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
