i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
