I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We are two peas in an std pod
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
