well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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