I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
