My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
