But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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