'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
