The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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