So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
