He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
