rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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