ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize