Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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