this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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