My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
