I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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