Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The police scanner is talking about you again....
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
