I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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