he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
