so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
