You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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