Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
