Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
