Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
