dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
