If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
