i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm going to jail i love you
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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