your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
