you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
