And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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