I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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