she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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