First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
