Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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