Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
false alarm, still single
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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