Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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