Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
