Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
