You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
