yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
