I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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