Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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