The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
