we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
