I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
That accounts for only three of the penises
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
