This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
