there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
