We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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