I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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