saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
