after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
