I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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